For a long time now, we've joked about creating t-shirts that say: "Rewrites Are Forever." We're sure they'd sell by the metric ton, purchased by anyone who is embroiled in the process of writing (and, thus, rewriting, and rewriting...)
It's hard to believe our musical FALLING TO EARTH is just a little over four years old now. We've seen it through long, sleepless nights. We've argued about whose turn it is to change the diapers. And oh, the reprimands and "time-outs." Our friend, the unfairly talented and hilarious Jen Peterman, likes to say she sees us as parents, one lenient, one stern, sending their child onto an unsupervised playground. The favored parent sends the baby off with exclamations of, “Go, Falling to Earth! Have fun! Come back before sundown!” While the other admonishes, “Falling to Earth, don’t go near that jungle gym! And stay away from that dog! And no ice cream until you finish lunch!” Who is who is for you to guess. Jen has her ideas but, truthfully, the roles change from day to day and revision to revision.
Through all the changes, though, the vision for our chamber musical has remained the same. Plot points, after taking a few, brief holidays from our instincts, are now nearly identical to the first draft but clarity about the show's characters, motivations, and exactly how the events unfold has helped us make it a better piece of theatre.
Editing a musical is kind of like playing Jenga: once you move or change one element of dialogue or plot, the stability of an entire scene or even the entire musical is temporarily at stake. You have to be willing to go back and pick up all the pieces to make the entire structure stronger.
And we have. Many, many times.
We thought we'd give you an insight into our editing process, using one of our songs: "I Saw You in the Stone."
Initially, this song was slated for Act I, Scene 4. Pygmalion has been asked to create a statue of Venus in time for her feast day. A mysterious serving girl (Venus in disguise) invites herself into the artist's home to make sure everything is going according to plan. As Pygmalion becomes obsessed with his work, his best friend, Paphos, who has seen through Venus’ not-so-clever disguise, urges Pygmalion's to finish it quickly. Through "I Saw Her in the Stone," Pygmalion explains why he is so taken with his work, which he calls Galatea.
PAPHOS
Am I missing something? Just call her "Untitled" and stick her in the temple. No one will know the difference.
Am I missing something? Just call her "Untitled" and stick her in the temple. No one will know the difference.
PYGMALION
I will know the difference.
I will know the difference.
PAPHOS
(urgently, near panic)
So make yourself a copy. Or make something else. Everything you make is good.
(urgently, near panic)
So make yourself a copy. Or make something else. Everything you make is good.
PYGMALION
Good isn't the point.
Good isn't the point.
I CAN SHAPE A FACE
BEGUILING TO THE GODS.
WHAT'S MISSING IS THE LIFE
BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE,
I KNEW SHE WAS INSIDE.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE,
AND SHE REACHED OUT TO ME.
BEGUILING TO THE GODS.
WHAT'S MISSING IS THE LIFE
BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE,
I KNEW SHE WAS INSIDE.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE,
AND SHE REACHED OUT TO ME.
ANYTHING I MAKE
IS STILLBORN IN MY HAND;
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE
TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT SHE'S THE ONE WHO LIVED,
SHE'S THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE
AND SHE CRIED OUT TO ME.
IS STILLBORN IN MY HAND;
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE
TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT SHE'S THE ONE WHO LIVED,
SHE'S THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE
AND SHE CRIED OUT TO ME.
I LISTENED.
SHE APPEARED.
I WAITED
AND SHE HAPPENED TO ME.
SHE CHOSE ME.
I'M HER MUSE.
I STEPPED ASIDE
AND LET HER COME TO BE
SHE APPEARED.
I WAITED
AND SHE HAPPENED TO ME.
SHE CHOSE ME.
I'M HER MUSE.
I STEPPED ASIDE
AND LET HER COME TO BE
PAPHOS
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
PYGMALION
Say you understand.
Say you understand.
PAPHOS
I don't. I don't get why this is different from anything else you've made. Why won't you let me see her?
I don't. I don't get why this is different from anything else you've made. Why won't you let me see her?
(He reaches for the cloth covering Galatea)
PYGMALION
No! Don't touch her.
PAPHOS
Pygmalion, she's not real. She can never be real.
PYGMALION
(sings)
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN HER.
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY?
I SAW HER IN THE STONE.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE
AND SHE'S THE BEST OF ME.
SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU.
BETTER THAN ME.
BETTER THAN VENUS!
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN HER.
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY?
I SAW HER IN THE STONE.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE
AND SHE'S THE BEST OF ME.
SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU.
BETTER THAN ME.
BETTER THAN VENUS!
(Venus enters with a vengeance)
This song didn't work for several reasons. First, we felt the it was trying to do too many things at once. The scene needed to be a heated argument which led to Venus' entrance but the song felt like an apology. It ends with Pygmalion angrily pushing his best friend away; but the last bit felt like it could be an entirely different song. We had to pick one or the other – the rejection or the apology. In this moment, they can’t exist side-by-side. Sceond, if Pygmalion apologizes, what is there for Paphos to fight against? Paphos is so afraid Venus will be angry if the statue isn’t finished that there just isn't room for him to sit and listen to his friend feel sorry for himself. Finally, it was too wimpy for Pygmalion. As a team, we were still struggling with different perceptions of Pygmalion’s artistic struggle: one of us felt he was in doubt of his skill, the other that he was in full rejection of his past. The latter makes him a more aggressive, pro-active character - even if his decisions are wrong-headed.
So, we thought the song would fit better after Venus' revelation. Angry with Pygmalion’s claim that the new work is “better than Venus,” the goddess reveals herself in a blazing tirade laced with threat. She indicts him for not meeting her demands, so Pygmalion must work to keep the statue from being destroyed and gain her understanding. He must apologize.
The song was moved after Venus' tirade. The main difference was this new B section but the rest of lyric remained largely the same.
I ANSWERED WHEN SHE CALLED.
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
SHE WANTED ME TO SET HER FREE.
SHE WANTED TO BE NEW
AND AS SHE CHANGED, I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO.
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
SHE WANTED ME TO SET HER FREE.
SHE WANTED TO BE NEW
AND AS SHE CHANGED, I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO.
It also had a new coda in the final A section:
WHO AM I TO SAY
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN HER.
WHO AM I TO SAY?
I SAW HER IN THE STONE.
I SAW HER IN THE STONE AND SHE'S THE BEST OF ME.
I ANSWERED WHEN SHE CALLED
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO...
But Venus is not a patient goddess – we didn’t imagine she would be able to sit through an entire AABA song. She’d be more likely to turn Pygmalion into a pillar of salt two phrases in. At this point we decided that although we liked the song, we were better off challenging ourselves to let it go and create something new. Despite it’s lovely central metaphor and a sumptuous melody, we opted to consider it a trunk song and leave it at that.
In January 2009 we, along with our fantastic director Laura Josepher, went to Syracuse, NY (brrrr....) for five weeks to take part in the Syracuse University New Play Workshop. We made extensive changes to the show with the help of a student cast and crew. When we got to the last scene of the musical we realized the conflict between Pygmalion and Galatea was potent enough to warrant a song and that Pygmalion needed to apologize to her. It dawned on us: what about that song we wrote months ago? Wouldn't that fit here? It was worth a try.
Earlier in the story, the year-old Galatea runs away after Pygmalion's assertion that she exists merely for his pleasure. When she returns in the final scene, after a night in the woods, he tries to explain why he's been so over-protective. In this draft, Pygmalion had not told Galatea, until this moment, that he had created her and that she was brought to life by Venus. Again, with just a few minor revisions, the song became a humbling explanation – a plea for understanding.
PYGMALION
I was working on a statue of Venus. But I couldn't finish it. There was something wrong. I knew it was something else.
I was working on a statue of Venus. But I couldn't finish it. There was something wrong. I knew it was something else.
GALATEA
Who?
Who?
PYGMALION
You.
You.
I COULD SHAPE A FACE
BEGUILING TO THE GODS.
AND NEVER SEE THE LIFE BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE
I KNEW YOU WERE INSIDE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU REACHED OUT TO ME.
BEGUILING TO THE GODS.
AND NEVER SEE THE LIFE BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE
I KNEW YOU WERE INSIDE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU REACHED OUT TO ME.
ANYTHING I MADE
WAS STILLBORN IN MY HAND.
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIVED.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU CRIED OUT TO ME.
WAS STILLBORN IN MY HAND.
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIVED.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU CRIED OUT TO ME.
I ANSWERED WHEN YOU CALLED.
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
YOU WANTED ME TO SET YOU FREE.
YOU WANTED TO BE NEW
AND AS YOU CHANGED, I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO.
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
YOU WANTED ME TO SET YOU FREE.
YOU WANTED TO BE NEW
AND AS YOU CHANGED, I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO.
PYGMALION
Galatea, you brought meaning to my life.
Galatea, you brought meaning to my life.
GALATEA
Am I....? Then am I not real? Am I not a person?
Am I....? Then am I not real? Am I not a person?
PYGMALION
You have always been real to me.
You have always been real to me.
WHO AM I TO SAY
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN YOU.
WHO AM I TO SAY?
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN YOU.
WHO AM I TO SAY?
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
I SAW YOU, TEA.
I HAD TO SET YOU FREE...
I HAD TO SET YOU FREE...
When we saw this in the workshop, we thought: Oh, this is so much better! But there was a nagging problem: Galatea's dramatic arc was merely a sketch at this point. But after some probing questions from our plucky student Galatea, Lauren Devine, we decided to try something radical.
In a furious four-day rewrite of Act II (which we did over the phone from two different cities...), we amended Galatea's story: we decided to give Galatea the knowledge, right from the start, that she was Pygmalion’s creation. The conflict, then, would come from Pygmalion’s treatment of her, not from her discovery of the secret he'd been keeping.
When we made this decision, suddenly, like that delicate game of Jenga, the setting of the lyric no longer felt right. The song still felt like so much self-pity. The accompaniment was too plodding - forecasting the outcome rather than giving Pygmalion the desperate hope that he can make up for his bad behavior.
We liked the song before, but it had no drive – musically it was rapturous, but stagnant. Problem was, something about the lyrics felt right (even though we had thrown the song out months earlier.) So we thought it would be a good experiment to see if a new musical undercurrent would give it the tension and urgency it needed. This was a big challenge for David. Tom had to make still more revisions, all very minor (which are, in some ways, more irritating that writing a totally new song) but David had to completely rethink the music in his head. He had to step away from an idea – a good idea, a solid musical idea – and challenge his expectation of the outcome.
So, here's the FINAL version (God help us...), with a near-identical melodic line, a few changed lyrics and a different time signature and key. Emotionally, it feels like a completely different song.
GALATEA
I was thinking about it all night and --
I was thinking about it all night and --
PYGMALION
Téa, I was wrong.
Téa, I was wrong.
GALATEA
I don't belong to you.
I don't belong to you.
PYGMALION
I know. I shouldn't have said that.
I know. I shouldn't have said that.
GALATEA
Then why did you?
Then why did you?
PYGMALION
Because I'm afraid of losing you.
Because I'm afraid of losing you.
GALATEA
Because you treat me like a possession.
Because you treat me like a possession.
PYGMALION
I never meant it that way. But you called out to me. You spoke to me and I was the only one who heard you.
I never meant it that way. But you called out to me. You spoke to me and I was the only one who heard you.
I COULD SHAPE A FACE
BEGUILING TO THE GODS
AND NEVER SEE THE LIFE BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE
I KNEW YOU WERE INSIDE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU REACHED OUT TO ME.
BEGUILING TO THE GODS
AND NEVER SEE THE LIFE BEHIND THE EYES.
BUT WHEN I SAW THE STONE
I KNEW YOU WERE INSIDE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU REACHED OUT TO ME.
ANYTHING I MADE
WAS STILLBORN IN MY HAND.
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIVED.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU CRIED OUT TO ME.
WAS STILLBORN IN MY HAND.
A CHILD WITHOUT A VOICE TO CALL MY NAME.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIVED.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CALLED.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU CRIED OUT TO ME.
I ANSWERED WHEN YOU CALLED
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
YOU WANTED ME
TO SET YOU FREE
YOU WANTED TO BE NEW.
AND AS YOU CHANGED
I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO...
THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
YOU WANTED ME
TO SET YOU FREE
YOU WANTED TO BE NEW.
AND AS YOU CHANGED
I REALIZED
I WAS CHANGING TOO...
GALATEA
But you want me to stay as I was.
But you want me to stay as I was.
PYGMALION
I want us to grow together.
I want us to grow together.
GALATEA
How can that happen if you don't see me? I'll never be real to you.
How can that happen if you don't see me? I'll never be real to you.
PYGMALION
WHO AM I TO SAY
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN YOU.
WHO AM I TO SAY?
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
WHO AM I TO SAY
WHAT'S GOOD OR WHAT IS REAL?
EVERYTHING I AM I SEE IN YOU.
WHO AM I TO SAY?
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE.
I SAW YOU IN THE STONE
AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
I SAW YOU, TEA.
AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
FORGIVE ME...
AND YOU'RE THE BEST OF ME.
FORGIVE ME...
With this song now properly (re)written, Pygmalion & Galatea's combined dramatic arc felt complete. The last scene now had the tension we desire. If you want to hear Galatea's response, you'll have to buy a ticket when the show opens!
Editing is a constant when you're writing. We're lucky to be pretty good self-editors, able to sever our emotional ties to the show and discern what's not working. We're also blessed to have a director who's acted as our dramaturg - Laura has helped us answer so many questions as we continue to find the best way to let the audience into our special world.
It may have been Tennessee Williams who said, "The show is finished when you're tired of rewriting it." But being tired of rewriting, doesn't mean we'll ever stop doing it - or at least searching for perfection each time we look at our work again. Rewrites may be forever, but there's a time when self-discipline has to stay the writer's hand. Instead of endless rewrites on the same project, start something new. For now, FALLING TO EARTH is in a holding pattern until we find a production or another major workshop. We hope that won't be an eternity away.
